Many of us are not aware that narcissism exists on a spectrum. Those with overt narcissism often show grandiosity and a constant need for admiration, while those who are considered covert narcissist usually hide their narcissistic tendencies behind their insecurity and introversion.
Unlike the more obvious and attention-seeking narcissist, a covert narcissist may appear self-effacing or not make themselves noticeable. However, underneath these personalities lies their deep-seated sense of entitlement, feelings of superiority, and need for control.
In this blog post, join us as we delve into covert narcissism as a mental illness and how we can manage its symptoms better.
Understanding Covert Narcissism
Covert narcissism is a lesser-known form of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). It is typically characterised by a more subtle and introverted expression of narcissistic traits.
Although we are more familiar with overt narcissists who often display grandiosity and a blatant sense of superiority over others, those with covert narcissism mask their narcissistic traits, such as a need for admiration, insecurity, passive-aggressive behaviour, and hypersensitivity to the criticism of others.
Unlike overt narcissists, people with covert narcissism may present themselves as victimised, which makes their narcissistic behaviour more difficult to recognise.
Is Covert Narcissism a Mental Illness?
While covert narcissism is not recognised as an official clinical diagnosis in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual for Mental Disorders Fifth Edition (DSM5) of the American Psychiatric Association (APA), several research studies and many professionals agree that it falls under the spectrum of narcissism or narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). This means that while covert narcissism itself is not a distinct diagnosis, it’s a manifestation of NPD.
It’s important to note that personality disorders, including NPD, can impact one’s thoughts, emotions, and behaviours. Specifically, those with covert narcissism may experience low self-esteem, a sense of entitlement, and a distorted sense of self-importance, which can all affect their personal and professional life.
Signs of Covert Narcissism
Recognising the signs and symptoms of covert narcissism is essential in the development of a comprehensive treatment plan for this condition. Here are some of the telltale symptoms you need to watch out for:
Grandiose Fantasies
Despite showing an introverted or self-doubting characteristic, those with covert narcissism often elaborate their fantasies about superiority, success, and admiration. They may believe that they are misunderstood geniuses or underappreciated talents.
Hypersensitivity to Criticism
A covert narcissist may react strongly to perceived criticism, and they may also interpret constructive feedback as a form of personal attack. This hypersensitivity often results in passive-aggressive responses.
Insecurity and Inferiority Feelings
Although they may show some humility, those with covert narcissism are often struggling with a lot of insecurities. They constantly seek validation from others while fearing rejection or failure.
Passive-Aggressive Behaviours
Instead of openly displaying their narcissistic traits, they usually resort to manipulative tactics such as silent treatment, sarcasm, or indirect criticism to express their resentment.
Envy and Resentment
Just like those with overt narcissism, covert narcissists also feel envious of others’ success and may sabotage others’ achievements to make themselves feel superior.
Lack of Empathy
Like all types of narcissism, those with covert narcissism are having difficulties in terms of genuinely connecting with others’ emotions. They may show concern but ultimately prioritise their needs over others.
Social Withdrawal
Unlike overt narcissists who constantly seek attention, covert narcissists usually isolate themselves due to their fear of rejection and a belief that others don’t appreciate them.
Difference Between Overt and Covert Narcissism
While both overt and covert narcissists share a sense of superiority and a need for admiration, they express these traits differently.
When we see someone who has overt narcissism, they are more grandiose, boastful, and attention-seeking. On the other hand, those who are covert narcissists may appear self-sacrificing, misunderstood, or even shy.
Despite the differences in terms of traits, both overt and covert narcissists engage in manipulative behaviours and struggle with relationships due to their lack of empathy.
Causes of Covert Narcissism
Over the years of studying this type of condition, data from the research show that the development of covert narcissism is caused by several factors, such as:
Genetics and Biological Factors
Narcissistic behaviours have a genetic component that influences personality traits such as sensitivity to criticism and emotional regulation.
In addition, those who have a history of a family member who was diagnosed with NPD or other personality disorders such as borderline personality disorder are more prone to developing covert narcissism.
Childhood Trauma
Covert narcissism may develop as a defense mechanism to deal with childhood neglect, emotional abuse, or harsh parenting. Studies found some links between childhood trauma and the development of various personality disorders, including NPD.
Excessive Praise in Childhood
Children who are excessively praised without being taught emotional regulation may develop an inflated yet fragile sense of self, which can make them prone to developing covert narcissistic tendencies.
Effects of Covert Narcissism on Relationships
A relationship with a covert narcissist can be emotionally draining. If you’re in a relationship with someone with this condition, you’ll notice that their passive-aggressive tendencies, manipulative behaviours, and lack of empathy can all lead to toxic dynamics and abusive relationships.
For example, they may resort to emotional withdrawal, gaslighting, or guilt-tripping so they can control their partners. What’s more alarming is that many of their partners have become victims of their narcissistic behaviours and have experienced emotional distress, anxiety, and even depression.
How to Deal with a Covert Narcissist
It’s not easy to deal with someone who has covert narcissism. If someone you know or one of your loved ones is struggling with this condition, here are some practical tips on how you can deal with them:
Set and Maintain Healthy Boundaries
To protect your well-being, you need to establish clear and firm boundaries with them. It’s essential that they are aware of how you want to be treated.
Stop Seeking Their Approval
Covert narcissists often use approval as a tool for manipulation. Recognising this can help you detach from their influence.
Prioritise Your Mental Health
Dealing with their narcissistic behaviours can be exhausting, so taking care of your mental health must be your top priority.
Seek Professional Help
If you feel that interacting or dealing with a covert narcissist is taking a toll on your mental health, it’s recommended that you seek professional help as well.
Treatment For Covert Narcissism
Since covert narcissism is a form of NPD, treatment primarily involves therapy. The gold standard treatment involves cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT), which helps them recognise their manipulative tendencies, develop self-awareness, and learn healthy coping mechanisms.
Overcome Narcissism at Sierra Recovery
Covert Narcissism is often rooted in underlying psychological factors such as trauma. Hence, the comprehensive treatment programme must include interventions that address those factors. Here at Sierra Recovery, we offer specialised care for people with trauma, anxiety, depression, and other mental health conditions.
We understand how difficult it can be to interact with someone with covert narcissism, but remember that you don’t have to keep playing the same role in someone else’s story.
Whether you’re dealing with a covert narcissist or struggling with narcissistic tendencies yourself, healing starts with awareness. Take the first step toward a healthier and more authentic life.
